Dates between crisis stuff in our relationship
5:01 a.m. - 2009-12-21

#2 - I just looked back in my diary here and the last time he tried to end us was less then 3 weeks ago......

No wonder I am not coping well. I mean I was having problems before this but Steve's actions are compounding my distress 150%. I adore him. I want us to be happy. And I can't seem to emotionally detach from him...I have tired and I end up in great crisis then I started with.

So there you have it...
What is going to happen next is a crap shoot really. I just need to move this stuff out of here and then get my tenent out of my house or rent something else...whatever I do I need to be starting to make decissions on my own. I can talk to Steve but ultimately life is chaos. That chaos is not all his fault, part of it is mine with the house and not being able to move into it...but then that is not anyones real fault it is circumstantial really.

In the end I need to find a more solid place to call home....and I have found that grieving the loss of this one has been and continues to be very traumatic to be honest.

I just hope Christmas goes ok in the end and that January bring better and happier things and not more tears and stress...maybe that is my prayer for the end of 2009 and the beginning of 2010.

C.

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